you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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