worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
