please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
