I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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