The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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