i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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