You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
