Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
