remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
