I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
