Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
