There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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