I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
