escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
