I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
this is an emotional support booty call
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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