Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
