She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
