i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
