What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
