Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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