Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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