if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
