I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
