I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
