A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
