Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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