If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
