I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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