yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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