I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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