I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Mom said you looked used
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
