Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
A+ Viking dick
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
