Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
