i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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