don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
