Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
