that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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