No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
