I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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