I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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