He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
