Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry protexxblue hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(413): View more from Massachusetts

Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

Fav 33 5987 1724
share tweet
(713): View more from Texas

Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.

Fav 19 957 5422
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(510): View more from California

On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

Fav 32 8950 1707
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family

Fav 7 3319 1211
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back

Fav 5 2421 1019
share tweet
(270): View more from Kentucky

I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.

Fav 18 1748 3128
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(906): View more from Michigan

It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.

(1-906): View more from Michigan

Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.

Fav 8 1815 918
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(519): View more from Ontario

I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while

Fav 4 760 495
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself

Fav 0 73 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT