The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
