that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
