I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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