I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
