At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
