So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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