i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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