so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
