Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
