The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize