my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
