my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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