Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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