"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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