it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
