Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
