Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
