im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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