i think my tv is drunk
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
