i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
